29. Waiting...

 Or the blog post in which Matt wonders what happened to the College Humour genre.

Another day, another film and a film whose neck might very well be on the chopping block as today we use this film as a litmus test whether films of this genre actually stand the test of time.

There was a time when these type of films dominated the cinemas and home rental market. Where you couldn't walk past seeing some kind of film in which horny college students got up to no good and or attempted to lose their virginity. I think ultimately what killed them off was those 'Movie' Movies, you know, 'Disaster', 'Epic' and the like that oversaturated the market and containing jokes so thin they could've been used as tracing paper.

That being said they did make stars out of a few, most notably Chris Evans when he popped up in 'Not Another Teen Movie' and one might argue one of today's stars as if it wasn't for the success of 'Van Wilder' the world may not have been treated to the Canadian delight that is Ryan Reynolds.

It's back to the mid noughties today as we slide in:

WAITING... (2005 dir. Rob McKittrick)

I've no idea what those strategically placed olives are supposed to represent...*

Why I bought it/Why I liked it:

Long before the decade plus time I gave CEX or indeed Cineworld, Waterstones etc, I worked in hospitality, primarily a mixture of fast food and restaurants. When I first stumbled upon 'Waiting...' I'm pretty sure it was a bootleg copy that I got off my manager during my first CEX stint. I think 'The Mist' was on that DVD too actually so that speaks volumes of the diversity of what was on it.

Anyhow I was a fresh faced twenty something year old, just into university so this type of humour was my cup of tea. It also helped that it contained quite a few familiar faces in it too. Despite Ryan Reynolds being slathered all over the box and having already been won over by his charms via 'Van Wilder' and 'Two Guys, A Girl...', there was also Justin Long fresh of his 'Dodgeball' run, the very funny Anna Faris who had been stuck in 'Scary Movie' hell at this point but was easily the best thing in them, David 'Whammy' Koechner from 'Anchorman' and wait...could it be? IT IS!

It's everyone's favourite Latin American character actor! It also occurs to me that I've spelt his first name wrong as it's 'Luis' so I'll need to correct that for next time.

Needless to say there was enough gags and relatable material that struck a chord with me back when I watched it. But much like my days work in hospitality, this film is a long forgotten memory. Now that I'm nearing forty closer than twenty, will these gags still hold up or is this really a product of its time.

If I think it'll stay in the collection:

It's that Ryan Reynolds' factor isn't it? Can one man's charm and delivery keep what I remember being a pretty respectable film at the time afloat? Can the supporting cast do their thing and make me laugh or will everything seem so horribly dated now and I'll wince at the dialogue and gags. Well there's only one way to find out...

The review:

It almost made it. Don't get me wrong, it's dated horribly, from Ryan's frosted tips, to the liberal homophobic slurs used throughout to whatever the fuck the characters of T-Dog and Nick are supposed to be, there's a lot of bad in this but it was almost inoffensive enough to coast through and for me to reassess it in perhaps a decade's time.

But see I'm a guy who will watch a film until the last credit has rolled and...well we'll get back to that.

'Waiting...' is a film that really wants to be 'Clerks' in a lot of ways. Detailing the life of a day in a restaurant from its early lunch opening up until the dinner rush and close. There are just so many stereotypes along the way, Ryan's Monty being the calm know it all leader, Long's Dean being the indecisive 'I don't know if I want to do this for the rest of my life' at a crossroads character. The women have little to no characterization apart from looking pretty.

So feasibly what was convincing me that I should hold on to this?

Ryan was stunned after Justin told him that voicing Chipmunks would be the next big leap in his career...

There is an air of fun to it, Luis Guzman seems to be having the time of his life out there. I had to draw amusing parallels to myself and overworked, been here too long 'Naomi' and Chi McBride is fun as philosophising kitchen porter Bishop.

Yes I was even looking to look past the somewhat disturbing subplot of having sex with underaged girls and just let this one cruise on by, sort of like background noise. There was just enough charm, it still stirred up memories of my working past and hell I even laughed once out loud during a scene with a child's birthday.

But then I hit the end credits and we're 'treated' to T-Dog and Nick doing a rap. Now Nick is played by Andy Milonakis, a name that will have no bearing on anyone but it's important to note that he was a celebrity as he had his own show on MTV at the time. Now admittedly, anyone could have had their own MTV show as long as you knew how to swear, fart and shout at the top of your lungs, it was THAT easy during this time.

Anyway this is right at the very end so as I weighed up my score and was like, ok back on the shelf you go, this absolutely terrible rap detailing the worst rap has to over such as 'cutting ho's', the size of a penis and all those horrible tropes that killed rap in the first place were dished up like microwaved leftovers and I was done with 'Waiting...'

Should it stay or should it go?

Flung to the trade pile as soon as the rube-goldberg easter egg at the very end was finished. Like I said it almost scraped through by the skin of its teeth but let's be honest, if I want 'Diet Clerks' I'll just watch 'Mallrats' instead. I give it a 6 out of 10, losing a whole point for any scene with T-Dog and Nick.

Until next time, I remain,

Matt Major.

*Oh! They're supposed to be breasts, I get it now, how amusing!

 

28. A Walk Among The Tombstones

 So after our fast and frenetic excursion into actionville, we hit something a lot more calmer but engrossing nonetheless. 

This was I felt Liam Neeson's big comeback after making a ton of action dreck since 'Taken'. Sure we all loved Taken, doing the ol' 'Special Skills, I will find you' quote but what had often been forgotten is that the sequels were abysmal, 'Taken 2' still ranking as one of the worst movies I have seen in my life. Other forgettable fares such as 'Non-Stop' & 'Unknown' provided mild entertainment but was just as quickly forgotten as it was watched.

No, for Liam to get back in the saddle was this moody solemn Neo Noir thriller that I vividly remembered from my Cineworld days and have held in high regard ever since. Today we turn the clock back to 2014 and watch:

A WALK AMONG THE TOMBSTONES (2014 dir. Scott Frank)

It's kinda hard to make a joke about Generic DVD Cover 968, Man holds gun on cover for the umpteenth time.

Why I watched it/Why I liked it:

As I recall 'Tombstones' didn't actually hit UK shores until late 2014/early 2015. I still had carte blanche to watch any movie I wanted as an employee of Cineworld at the time and have vague recollections of watching this in early 2015 in my remaining days of working there with the odd trio of 'Paddington' and 'Foxcatcher'.

As an employee of Cineworld, you would often be subjected to the various trailers before films and there was something about 'Tombstones' that caught my eye. Its moody atmosphere, the fact that Liam Neeson was playing a gritty Private Eye, this was well within my wheelhouse and decided I would give it a go provided the reviews were decent.

As reviews started trickling in, this indeed got good reviews so making my mind up, I went to see it and was rather glad I did. Neeson seemed to sink his teeth into this role and showed enthusiasm for it, something he hadn't done in some time. I loved the classic trope of a P.I. getting in over his head but struggling on as it was the right thing to do and there's just this tinge of dark humour that strings throughout.

I resolved that when it was a good price in CEX, I'd pick it up on the cheap and did so as sadly despite the good reviews it got, enthusiasm for the film dropped just as quickly as its asking price. That didn't detract it from being a little gem in my eyes though.

If I think it'll stay in the collection:

I'm pretty confident that it will. 'A Walk Among The Tombstones' isn't the type of leave your brain at the door fare that you can just stick on at any given moment. It's dark, grim and moody for most of the time but it's rewarding and that's why I think it'll stay.

The review:

I came into 'Tombstones' knowing what to expect and honestly I still wasn't disappointed. Neeson slowly and deliberately growls his lines but each one of them carries a punch to them. The New York setting is bleak, heavy rain falls continuously and private eye Matt Scudder is just trying to do the right thing, even if his 'clients' aren't exactly the right people.

The atmosphere just sucks you in, almost every shot is gritty and realistic, imagining that you're there with every tread of the foot. I love how Scudder is essentially agreeing to help grieved drug dealers because there's a greater evil kidnapping their loved ones and because deep down, it's the right thing to do.

                            

Dot Cotton's replacements at Albert Square were a tad intimidating...

I remember vividly this was one of my first introductions to David Harbour as he looked to be permanently cast as 'movie bad guy'. Now he tends to play nice guys which is a nice change of pace for him but there's no denying he plays a really nasty piece of work here, alongside Adam David Thompson. These are men beyond redemption and unlike other pieces where at times, you enjoy the hamminess or performance of the actor portraying the bad guy, these guys do their job so well that you want them to get their comeuppance.

 So praise indeed to Liam Neeson and our bad guys and indeed a solid performance by X Factor USA contestant of all things Brian 'Astro' Bradley. His performance of TJ skirts the rim of playing annoying teen sidekick to Neeson's Scudder but they reign it in and  he delivers a respectable performance too. If anything it's his parts that slightly but not noticeably let the film down if at all.

 'A Walk Among The Tombstones' is a drenched, cold and grim detective piece but if you find enjoyment in such things, as I do, you'll be left satisfied.

Should it stay or should it go?

I believe this is my third viewing of said film after watching it in the cinema and watching it with my dad. I can honestly say I was as gripped upon this viewing as I had the previous viewings. There's something sobering about the piece, like a shot of espresso that just perks up the senses. This certainly won't be to eveybody's tastes but it works just fine for me.  I'll give it an 8 out of 10 rating here.

Well, next time we'll see if Ryan Reynold's delightful charm can keep an old movie on the shelf and we'll see a familiar face along the way.

Until next time, I remain,

Matt Major.

27. Wanted

 Or as this blog post could be also known as, Matt rants about Mark Millar for a little bit.

Hoo boy! Mark Millar huh? There's a guy who peaked about 10-15 years ago, right? I mean to be fair to the guy, when you've been in the business writing comics for so long, your best ideas are going to be used up eventually leaving you with whatever dregs he's writing for 'Millarworld' these days. And there's that whole 'Millarworld' ego trip thing too, an acquisition I'm sure Netflix are looking at now, wondering why they coughed up the dough, yielding little results.

Still, to be fair to the guy, he has written his fair amount of noticeable stories. The Avengers in film series wouldn't have existed if The Ultimates hadn't come to life and I still have a soft spot for the first Kick-Ass  and Kingsman films.

Truth is that's why I could see why Netflix made the deal, the man was on a hot streak, it looked as if he could do little wrong. Another success story at the time, was today's film and we'll be revisiting the world of:

WANTED (2008 dir. Timur Bekmambetov)

 McAvoy's shoulder had seized up so whatever 'cool pose' you thought he was doing, he's actually in tremendous pain...

Why I bought it/Why I liked it:

I think one theme that we've been hitting on constantly that's become pretty obvious is the following:

Matt likes big bombastic action films.

Wanted certainly filled that quota at the time. In fact, there was a little swell of Wanted mania about the place as I remember vaguely playing the video game adaptation for this on the Xbox 360 to boot. But it ticked a whole mess of boxes:

Extravagant bullet battle sequences with the often remembered 'bendy bullets'? Check.

Smoking hot Angelina Jolie purring her way through every scene she was in? Check.

Typically dependable Morgan Freeman performance. Check.

So inevitably it pleased a young mid twenties Matt in the way that many an explosive action film had and featured enough unique gimmicks at the time that sort of put it ahead of the pack and was an easy pick up in CEX when said film had dropped in price.

But as we know, nostalgia puts a funny sheen on things and I legitimatley haven't revisited this film in years. Hell, when I composed a top action film list of the noughties, this didn't even cross my mind again, so was this simply a case where its cute little gimmicks outweigh what could be construed as a mediocre noughties outing now? That's what we're here to find out...

If I think it'll stay in the collection:

Honest to God, I have no idea. The fact that I thought another film was AFTER Warrior and then was slightly disappointed that I had this movie first sort of summed up my feelings on watching Wanted today. 

It sort of has that 'Noughties' feeling about it, like chugging a can of Red Bull. You drink it and you're like 'Whoo, I'm all pumped up, that was AWESOME!' but then you grow up, you drink coffee now and you look back on your energy drink quaffing days and think 'Man, I was an idiot'. That's sort of the vibes I'm getting from today's revisit...

The review:

In hindsight I actually appreciate going back to revisit these movies in my collection as it gives me fresh eyes in which to view them with.

With that I can comfortably say that there is an arrogant stench of wankiness that permeates all throughout Wanted that just keeps burrowing under the skin and that ultimately becomes unlikeable. Like the equivalent of the talented sportsperson in your secondary/high school who you thought was cool back when you were a kid but ultimately realise they were a tosser. That's what this film is.

There are some pretty cool action sequences in this, particularly towards the end of the second into the third act. There's something strangely satisfying about watching James McAvoy's Wesley shoot Mark Warren in the eye, ram his gun butt through the socket and kill people while firing through Warren's head.

But that's sort of where the fun ends, other than the novelty of spotting the delightful Chris Pratt in an early role couple with the usage of Rupert Holmes' 'The Pina Colada Song' that just made me wish I was watching Guardians Of The Galaxy instead.

These three had knackered Rocky's training session...

 So the bad then. Look, I like James McAvoy, I've enjoyed a ton of things he's been in, but you can tell this is his first American film and his accent is pretty jarring all the way throughout. There's this feeling that he's been asked to summon the ability of Michael J Fox throughout this film too. But where Michael J Fox can just effortlessly turn on his boyish charm and suck you in, the same can't be said for McAvoy's Wesley here.

Seriously, by the time he's screamed 'Eeeyaarrrr!' or 'Arrrrghhh' by the eighth time, you're kind of hoping he'll get a bullet in his head or his jaw wired shut, there's just this air of annoyance. Ramped up by his pissy little narrative which seemed like fun back in the heady days of 2008 but now just grates. Then by the third act where he's essentially insulting the audience, my mind had been made up, I flipped the screen the middle finger.

Then there's the soundtrack, Danny Elfman's annoying guitar stings, the ability to make Nine Inch Nails seem tame and whiny. Couple this with Bekmambetov's directorial approach. Pretentious slow down shots and then sped up, Slowed down speech. It's the sort of shite that would give Olivier Megaton wet dreams.

Sad reality is this would probably mark the last good role Angelina Jolie would be in and just serves as a reminder that Morgan Freeman is a consummate professional in whatever he appears in.

Should it stay or should it go?

As soon as Wesley utter's the line 'What the fuck have you done with your life', I'd agreed that the movie needed to be slung onto the now dusty trade pile. There's just parts in it that had me itching to check how much run time I had left. It wasn't a completely unenjoyable experience but like I said, that swagger this movie has just got on my tits. A time wasting 6 out of 10 experience then but I could easily waste another 10-15 years, even 20, before revisiting this again.

Until next time, I remain,

Matt Major.

 

 

26. Warrior

 Oh hey! It's been a while huh?

As I type this, we're nearing the end of Britain's second lockdown due to COVID-19 but I thought it'd be a wasted opportunity if I had nigh on a month off work and didn't chip away at a few more movies in the collection, especially as I'm in this good place of not having any lingering uncompleted series over my head, having finished 'Oz' at the beginning of the month.  A few completed comic series and video games later and I've got the itch to get back in the saddle.

Today's film, sort of became the roadblock after a pretty productive summer of writing. There's nothing wrong with it, I just know that it's a tad more serious then previous watches and I wasn't feeling it at the time. Regardless it's now time to wipe the dust off of the DVD case, clear the clothing from the ol' viewing chair and watch:

WARRIOR (2011 dir. Gavin O' Connor)

'All The Rockys rolled into one' claimed Shortlist. Thankfully this isn't the case as it would have a painfully boring part in lieu of Rocky V but also it sadly doesn't have fucking awesome music montage sequences a la Rocky IV...

Why I bought it/Why I liked it:

Come on, with a tag line with 'All the Rocky's...' how could I not give it a spin? I think I remember renting this one with Dad at his local video shop in Sholing. Blockbuster's had long since passed by this point so the locals were the only way to rent. Sadly my lazy arse father couldn't be arsed to take the short drive down and he was too lazy to return the rentals on time and unlike Blockie's who would let him off with it, he didn't seem to understand that this wasn't how things were done post Blockies.

Still, we managed to pop off a few rentals in that time, one of them being 'Warrior'.  Being a wrestling fan as well, I remembered there was a bit of buzz about Kurt Angle's appearance in it too (albeit, he's completely silent in it). The whole MMA/UFC craze was buzzing at this point due to a variety of colourful stars passing through it and I mean look at that box art. That's a lot of stars right there. It needed to be checked out.

What followed was a highly enjoyable two hours of pumping MMA action interwoven with interesting family drama. I remember this being another noticeable hit for rising star Tom Hardy, it was my first memorable look at dependable all rounder Joel Edgerton and I particularly remember Nick Nolte playing 'Alcoholic Dad', rather well to boot.

If I think it'll stay in the collection:

I think chances are good. I don't think the movie will have aged THAT much and the performances were really stand out. It'll be that sort of classy high brow sports movie that 'The Wrestler' fell into also. Something I may want to stick on again after a Rocky kick or something like that.

The review:

Warrior is not a movie that'll change your life but it tells a story, it tells it well and you don't feel like over two hours have passed, that's the sign of a strong movie in my eyes.

My recollection was slightly wrong, Nick Nolte played 'Recovering Alcoholic Dad', his (unexplained) reprehensible actions as a raging alcoholic having split his family in three, his two sons going off in separate directions. 

We're greeted with moody, detached, pill popping Tom Hardy and his mysterious story of how he came back and the trials and tribulations of well meaning family man Joel Edgerton who doesn't want to lose his house thanks to the banks fucking him over.

Inevitably the golden ticket, the one hope for both men is a $5 million dollar MMA tournament where for each man, it's a shot of redemption.

The first half of the film sets out the story and you feel an emotional connection with everyman Edgerton. The amusing fact that a Brit and an Aussie are playing brothers from Pittsburgh aside, you become involved in their stories and the movie sucks you in.

Tom had taken exception to a fan claiming 'This Means War' was their favourite film of his...

 The highest praise I can put on this movie is that even though I knew the ending, I still got sucked in the fights and felt a swell of joy whenever Joel progressed, wanting him to win and make things right for his family.

There's not too much to gripe about honestly, it's a film about performances. The choice of song for the dramatic ending is a bit weak, considering what a good job the score had done throughout the film, it weighed it down slightly.

It could have been shaved down slightly too, at times the film likes to hammer home the desperate situation of our characters and therefore lays it on a bit thick but ultimately it does make the final outcome that much more pleasing.

Should it stay or should it go?

Absolutely. It's good 'meat and potatoes' sports style drama. Warrior gets a respectable 7.5 I think upon this watching but it's score could easily shoot up again depending on my mood on subsequent watches.

Well that's the serious stuff out of the way, we're heading into some pretty goofy action fare in the next film so stick around for that with a film I don't think time has been too kind too honestly...

Until next time, I remain,

Matt Major